The Prostration
Burnout. That’s what a normal person would say. However, what I’m experiencing makes me feel as though I need to plan funeral arrangements for my cognitive functions.
In three days, it will be my one month anniversary. One full month of being completely unemployed. In 2026 this is frightening because right now the job market is barbaric. I actually started searching for a new place of employment in January and now it is May and I’ve had one single phone call.
After auditing my resume for the eleventh time I started to wonder do I even want a job?
I’m not rich. I’m not even comfortable. I’m like everyone else that the world has completely forgotten about. I have to work in order to be a of society, but working doesn’t mean I need the traditional job.
Repeat Until You’re Dead
I apply for a job. I hope to keep that job. It never works out and then I’m back to applying for a job. This vicious cycle of employment just keeps going, and as I closed my browser I started to wonder do I even want to do this again? I was laid off because the company decided to restructure three years later and my position was eliminated.
I did nothing wrong, but apparently be employed.
Let’s Be Completely Honest
The only reason people are upset about losing a job is because of what it causes which is the stress of paying for things and the worry of when you’ll be stable again. However, jobs don’t offer stability anymore, they provide a scheduled paycheck which then you plan your funded activities around.
However, after the experience from the last employer, I’m reevaluating before I submit my resume to the next set of potential employers, because my last employer was abusive.
Toxic Workplace Dysfunction is what others may call it. However, I’m not because abuse needs to be called directly, not politely.
Physically Here, Mentally Semicomatose
The smallest tasks are now overwhelming. Simple things are now a burden. I’m using TickTick to schedule tiny daily tasks like take out the trash by 6:00 PM.
It was never this way before. I used TickTick for health goals, doctor appointments, refills, birthdays, things that are often, but not daily. Now, I’m using it for the tiniest of tasks because my mind won’t hold anything anymore and when I try to force it to do so, it feels like a burden.
Why though?
Why would the person that is known to get things done, the person that people depend on, the one people would call constantly on the go suddenly have difficulty with just remembering to set the trash out?
Because the person spent the last three years in an abusive workplace. It wasn’t a person that bullied them. The non-existent internal structure caused their brain to tap the fuck out of reality completely because this workplace wasn’t your normal messy company.
It was a company where middle managers and above were not simply active in creating an environment where logic failed, they were also building barricades to reinforce the lunacy of their daffy ways.
